I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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