I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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