just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
