The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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