dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is this like a preordered booty call?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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