Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
