as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
