There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
