I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
