it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
