My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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