Just cropdusted the office
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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