i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
