I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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