dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
