It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
