apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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