My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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