better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
