Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
