yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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