Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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