did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
