Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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