At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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