I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
