Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize