I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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