i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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