You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
