I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
