MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
