google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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