i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
