I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
