We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
