Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
