Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
