Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
