i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
