How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
