at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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