Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
