just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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