We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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