I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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