thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
