hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
