the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
