What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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