i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
