I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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