Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
