I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
