You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
