you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
