For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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