I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
