You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
