thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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