And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
