his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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